Unfortunately, you have never strived to be anything more than that. I get it, we were young and stupid. We never loved each other. We were just having sex not thinking about the consequences. Forgetting that some actions have consequences that last a lifetime. This was one of those times.
You have had many chances throughout the last 14 years to step up and be the father I always hoped you would be. How do you live your life not knowing how your child is doing? How hard is it for you to pick up the phone to just tell him that you love him? Do you love him? I just assumed that you did because he is your child. But do you? His birthday is 3 days after yours. Do you think of him on his birthday? I just wanted you to be his father, that’s all. I never wanted him to grow up not knowing who you are.
So, naturally when you contacted me 12 years later, I thought you were ready to be his dad. Better late than never. Everybody deserves a second chance, right?
When I got your message on Facebook at first, I was mad at the fact that you had the nerve to say, “How is my son doing?” What son? The son you forgot about for 12 years. The son you never sent a birthday card to. The son who didn’t even know you existed. My response “MY son is fine.”
You went on to say that you wanted to see him. I thought about the pros and cons of you meeting MY son. I discussed it with Gail. I have to say she wasn’t thrilled about the idea of you popping up 12 years later. But as always, she was supportive of my decision to let him meet you if that’s what I chose to do. I would say the hardest part was telling my husband who is always supportive. He was unsure of your intentions 12 years later. You see, unlike you he has always been there for our son. He is and will always be his father. Nothing you say or do will change that.
Long story short, because you are very well aware that you aren’t the father you should be, I agreed to let him see you. I don’t regret it, but I am disappointed in you. The fact that you would take the time out of your day 12 years later to message me to see how “your” son is doing and practically begging to see him and when I finally agreed to it you were drunk. This was the chance you asked for and you ruined it. You chose alcohol over your son. You were so drunk that you didn’t even remember meeting your son. You suck!
It’s ok though! Your loss, not his.
I did what was right to let you meet your son so that you could build a father-son relationship with him and you f***ed it up big time. Your son . . . wait let’s try that again, MY son is now 14 years old and has dreams of becoming a doctor. He will become a doctor. He is so smart, intelligent, handsome and caring. He is surrounded by family and friends that love him unconditionally. He doesn’t need you. His real father (my husband) will be by his side every step of the way. Nonetheless, I am so grateful and so thankful for you. I couldn’t imagine my life without him. So . . . thanks!
ImPeRfEcT Me 